Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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