I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
