party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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