I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
