You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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