During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
