After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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