dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
