Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
