All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
