I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
