get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
