Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Houston, we have a squirter
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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