The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize