you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
