my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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