I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
