Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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