Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
