Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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