Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to sanitize my soul.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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