U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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