I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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