His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Mom said you looked used
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
