The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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