I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You're like the curious george of whores
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
