I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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