Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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