I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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