They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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