so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
