i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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