She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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