YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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