Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
