Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
