I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
All I want is dick and wine.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
