Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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