Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
