I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize