the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
