Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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