I heard we made out
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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