So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
