I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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