Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
