i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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