If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize