after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize