Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
