Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just pee around me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
