fuck your aforementioned shoe
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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