I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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