I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
