he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
