remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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