I got chris browned last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
