You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
