If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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